A Christmas Story

[teresa]

had this sent to me today hope it does not affend anyone

 

A Christmas Story

 

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pi55ed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

 

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,

Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

 

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the Revenue Canada sent me a letter,

They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

 

And the kids these days--they all are the pits

They want the impossible--Those mean little s***s

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,

They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

 

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

 

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

[mumof4]

:lol: :lol: :lol: its a good 'un that T.

[teresa]

Ever wondered how the angel came to be on top of the christmas tree read on

 

Little Known Christmas Fact

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but

there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys

as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of

being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed

Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three

of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out,

heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one

of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the

toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a

shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden

the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped

the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he

kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made

from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He

opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas

tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the

Christmas tree.